Jokes

Alright time for some more jokes peoples.

Q: What do you call a Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two front teeth?

A: A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER

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Q: How do men define a "50/50" relationship?

A: We cook - they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

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Q: How do males exercise on the beach?

A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

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Q: Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips?

A: Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.

Father: “Son, you were adopted.”

Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”

Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”


A cannibal is invited to a teambuilding week in the mountains.
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The instructions say he can also bring one friend.
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But when he arrives, he brings ten people. The organizer is shocked: “Come on Alan, what the heck, the invitation said you can only bring one person!”
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"Yeah, but it also said bring your own food, didn’t it?!”


Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar.

I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art.

He said, “Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I’m Chinese?!”

“No it’s because you’re drinking MY beer!“

no word

and another one

Grandpa anniversary joke


A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he’s getting sentimental because they’re celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, “No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he’d have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn’t marry you. Tomorrow I would’ve been a free man!”

A little boy comes running into the room and says, "Grandpa! Grandpa! Can you make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa says, "I don't know why?" The little boy says, "Because grandma says as soon as you croak, we can go to Disneyland."

bad commercials

Recently at the Antarctica

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“Doctor, doctor, I’m so worried,” said the anxious man.

“Both my wife and I have black hair, but our son’s just been born with red hair. Do you think something funny has been going on?”

“Not necessarily,” replied the doctor. “How many times do you have sex?”

“About 5 times a year.”

“Well, there’s your answer then, you’re just a little rusty.”

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“Mummy, mummy, what’s a pussy?” asked the small boy. His mother went to the encyclopaedia and showed him a picture of a cat.

“That’s a pussy,” she said.

“Mummy, mummy, what’s a bitch?” continued the little boy.

Again, mother consulted the encyclopaedia and showed her son a picture of a dog.

But the boy wasn’t convinced so he went to his father and asked him what a pussy was. Dad went to his magazine, opened it at the centrefold and drew a circle.

“There you are, son,” he said, “that’s a pussy.”

Then the little boy asked him what a bitch was and dad replied sadly, “Everything outside the circle, son.”
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“Hey June, how about a bit of slap and tickle tonight?”

“Sshh John, don’t talk like that in front of the children. Let’s use code. Whenever you feel like it, just say, “How about turning the washing machine on.”

A few evenings later, June turned to her husband and said, “Shall I put the washing machine on tonight?”

“Don’t bother, love, you looked a bit tired so I did it by hand.”
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A little girl went into her parents bedroom to find her parents in bed.

“Well!” she exclaimed. “And you tell me off just for sucking my thumb.”

A man comes to the hospital bed and asks, "How tall are you?"
"One eighty, Doctor."
"I'm not the doctor, I'm the carpenter."

What is the difference between a British, a French and a German pensioner?


The Brit takes a whisky and goes to the horse race.
The Frenchman takes a Pernod and goes to play boules.
The German takes his heart drops and goes to work.

Ahh jokes make with work go round!

Just for parents!

This is me on Monday!

144b692ab5ec7532e7d18da525bbab66.jpg Relax, it's Friday

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