Jokes

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    • Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • "Daddy, where did I come from?" seven-year-old Rachel asks. It is a moment for which her parents have carefully prepared. They take her into the living room, get out several other books, and explain all they think she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sit back and smile contentedly. "Does that answer your question?" the mom asks. "Not really," the little girl says. "Judy said she came from Detroit. I want to know where I came from."



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
      A: Ask your mother.



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge $100 for sex.” The man thinks about it for a few seconds, but then reluctantly gets out a $100 bill, pays her, and they have sex. After a cigarette, he just sits in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asks the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before,” replies the man, “but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $50.



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom that he needs Viagra. The mom asks, "Why on Earth do you need that?!" The little boy says, "Isn't that what you give daddy when his sh*t doesn't get hard?"



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • Three people get arrested and are taken into holding for questioning. The officer talks to the first girl, asking, "What's your name?" She says, "Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He asks the second girl, "What's your name?" She responds with, "Yo Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He talks to the guy and says, "Let me guess, your name is Yo Yo Yo." The guy replies with, "No, it's Bubbles."



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • Q: Why is sex like math?
      A: You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Katie goes straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asks how her grandfather has died, her grandmother replies, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie tells her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex will surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear. Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. It was nice, slow, and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong." She pauses, wipes away a tear and then continues, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight . When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow. " Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110. "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "Are all of those kids yours?" He replies, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • There’s an elderly couple who has reached that point in life, where sex isn’t part of the itinerary anymore. One night, the wife turns to her husband and says, “Everytime one of us wants to have a bit of a slap and tickle, we just have to say, "Washing machine.’” A night passes, and the husband leans over and whispers, “Washing machine.” The wife gives him a shove and informs him that she has a headache. A few nights go by and the same thing happens, but the husband is determined and he reckons he’ll just give it one more try. He leans over and whispers seductively, “Washing machine.” Yet again, the wife turns him away. However, a few moments pass and the wife’s needs arises so she rolls over and recites the word, but the husband turns over and says, “Sorry love, it was only a small wash so I did it by hand.”



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • One day Little Johnny asks his Mum, "How come when I come in to your room you and you're on top of Daddy, you say you're making a sandwich, but after a while I come in again, you're eating a sausage?!"



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • Two friends die. One goes to Heaven and the other goes to Hell. The one that goes to Heaven begs the angel to let him visit his friend in Hell, and the angel agrees. He gets to Hell and sees his friend surrounded by beautiful women and alcohol everywhere. He says to his friend, "Wow, you were a son of a bitch when we were alive! Hell looks better than Heaven." So the friend in Hell says, "Pour yourself a glass of wine." The heavenly friend pours the wine, and notices that the glass has no bottom. The good friend looks at the bad one in confusion, and the bad friend says, "The glass has no bottom, and neither do the girls. Welcome to Hell."



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • What do a pizza boy and a gyneocologist have in common? They both smell it but they can't eat it.

      A professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied, "He's probably playing golf with his friends."



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?




    • A mom of an eight year old boy is awaiting her son's arrival from school. As he runs in, he says he needs to talk to her about making babies. He claims he knows about the development of a fetus, but doesn't understand the answer to the million dollar question. Namely, how does the sperm get into the woman? The mom asks the boy what he thinks the answer is. The boy says that the sperm is manufactured in the man's stomach, rises up to his chest, then throat, and into his mouth, where he then kisses the woman and deposits the sperm into her mouth. The mom tells her boy that it is a good guess, but it's wrong. She gives him a hint by telling him that the sperm comes out of the man's penis. Suddenly, the boy's face becomes quite red and he says, "You mean you put your mouth on that thing?"



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      My Phones: Nokia 909, Motorola V3, ... Siemens S35, Siemens S45 . . . ( :hmm: can not remember) ... SEK750, SEK800, SEC905, Galaxy S1, S2, Note 2, Note 3, Note 4 and now my

      Galaxy S7 Edge SM-G935F
      EchoeRom N v? with S7E AEL N Kernel v?


      and

      Note 4 SM-910F
      EchoeRom v? with N4 AEL Kernel v?